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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| ... This will be my very last Xanga update EVAR.
I've just come to remind you that my previously registered, but non-existent, site is now officially up and running.
By "officially up and running," I basically mean, "I've done absolutely
nothing but move the place I type from here to there, and added a zany
guestbook. Wait, Xanga has a guestbook. What the fuck am I
paying money for?"
But either way, my site is semi-functional. And baby, that's all I need.
Take a Look.
See you on the flip side.
EDIT: Yeah, I really wish I'd never typed that last line. That's
a fucking terrible exit line. But, I think I'll leave it anyway.
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| Which means I'll probably be eating a couple gallons of coleslaw today.
Anyhoo, I registered the address without really putting any thought
into it, and then I stumbled across a WAY MORE AWESOME free address.
monkeyvault.net.
I'm about to register this one as well. I suppose I'll find
something interesting to do with monksmusings.com, but it WON'T be my
replacement blog. The Monkey Vault will.
Just updating you on that one.
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| www.monksmusings.com
Hey, shut up. I haven't worked on it yet. But, trust me, it's gonna ROCK.
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| So I was reading a book (The most shocking part of this update), and
the cover started falling off. So I took it entirely off and
threw it on the bed, forgetting about it for two days. So, today,
I started reading the book again, and got bored with it within five
minutes. (It's not a good book.) I look around for the pair
of nailclippers I was using for a bookmark, and can't find them.
I look around for something else to use, and I see the book's original
cover. "It's paper, it'll work well enough," I say to myself, and
shove it in there.
But then I thought about it. That's a bit wrong, I'd say.
Using its old cover to save my place inside its middle. Isn't
that a little bit like a cannibal tearing off your skin, and fashioning
it into a straw which he then uses to suck out your guts?
Or is it nothing like at all like that, and I've just got severe mental issues?
Please, give me your opinions on this.
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| Ok, ok. I know. It's been months since I promised an update "tomorrow." But I have an excuse.
I...
Didn't update.
sry. :(
In my defense, I hit my head on a rock, and it turns out I got minimal
amnesia. I remembered everything except the fact that I have a
blog to update, and how to slice a bagel without cutting myself.
Or maybe I never knew how to do that. I dunno, I don't
remember. Anyway, recently I hit my head on another rock in the
exact same place (Different rock, though. If it was the same one,
that would be CRAZY.), and suddenly remembered that I have a totally
awesome blog to update. (But not the bagel thing. Damned
bread knives.)
So, after my revelation/head injury, I said to myself loudly in public,
"I WILL update my blog! I will give the people what I'm sure
they've been angrily demanding during my long absence!" So I ran
home to the computer, only to realize I wasn't home, and had no access
to my own computer. Or the internet. Or paper. OR A
PEN. See, I was staying with my newly-moved-in brother, and
pretty much nothing you actually need for life had yet been implemented
into his apartment except ramen and little pink erasers with wheels
drawn on them to make them look like race cars. So, my update
plans were spoiled.
Then, two hours later, I got violently sick. This might have tied
into the multiple head injuries and massive bagel-induced blood loss,
but I doubt that. Probably just the flu. Either way, I
wasn't in a particularly hilarious mood. And I'm still not,
because nothing particularly funny has happened to me lately. But
I AM very, very bored. Which means I'll update anyway, and you'll
read it because you're ALSO bored, and probably even more desperate
than I am for entertainment. How could you not be with me gone so
long?
So. What have I been doing these past few millennia, you
ask? Well, I'll tell you. Since my last update, I have:
- Done nothing.
- ………
There ya go.
Anyway, all that hectic nothingness in my life led me to a
realization. Ready for it? No? I'll wait then.
Have some muzac.
*Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo-dooooo...* (That's "Girl From Ipanema." Obviously.)
My realization?
Xanga sucks.
So, in light of this, I'm going to (eventually) start my own web
site. It'll probably be called something badass, like
"www.crackmonkness.com," or
"www.waytooawesomeforashortandmemorablewebaddress.co.uk.net.com."
Ok, ok, so I know opening my own website will mean that I'll be forced
to put a lot more effort into something I barely put anything into now,
and will lose 90% of my ten-person audience in the transfer, because
really, who cares enough about people from Xanga to actually go to a
separate site to read their updates? No one I know. None of
my friends are such losers. So, of course, I'll have to start an
audience from scratch.
I also have absolutely no HTML skills. I assure you that my
site's format will rape your eyes in so many ways that they will be
left cowering in a corner, covered in their own blood and vomit, crying
and repeating the names of characters from "Mr. Ed" for days on end
before someone finally discovers them and puts them in a mental
hospital, where they’ll spend the rest of their lives, reliving their
experiences with dark red text on lime green backgrounds.
I think I took that metaphor a bit too far, but you get my point.
This will mean that starting an audience will be nearly impossible
anyway. most people don't put up with visual violation just for
mild entertainment.
I'll also have to pay money. And if I pay money, I'll be
obligated to actually update fairly often. And the more I update,
the harder the updates suck. Quantity will rise, and quality will
somehow manage to fall, despite the rock-bottom level it’s at currently.
So, what does all this mean? Well, logically, it means that it's
a horrible idea to start my own site. BUT, think of it this
way. If someone called right now and asked me to go do something
with them, I'd have to say, "Nah man, I can't. I've gotta update
my blog." Then I'd have to put up with a half-hour of maniacal
laughter from this hypothetical friend that doesn't actually exist,
because I’m all alone.
.........
Anyway, but just IMAGINE what it will be like a month from now.
Hypothetical Friend: Hey, you wanna go do something?
Me: Nah, man, I gotta work on my SITE.
Hypothetical Friend: Umm... Yeah. You're a loser.
Me: But you aren't manically laughing, are you?
Hypothetical Friend: Actually, it's more sad than it is funny.
An obvious improvement.
So, in conclusion... Please wait patiently for my site to
open. Then you'll get your real updates. I'll even update
on some of the subjects I promised to write months ago, although I
don't really remember the jokes anymore, so I'll have to make something
up entirely.
Don't worry. Your Crack Monkless days are almost over. | | |
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